Real Love is Dead; or at least that’s what the Internet convinced you to believe.
- mei gerard
- Mar 22
- 6 min read
If you’re anything like me, your For You Page is probably filled with all sorts of videos discussing love; whether it’s video essays on whether being an Avoidant is worse than being an Anxious, or different tarot card readers saying you’ll find the love of your life this week (as long as you like, comment, and share the video to claim the energy). Everywhere you scroll, love is in the air, or perhaps the absence of it is. Gone are the days when grand romantic gestures led to happily ever after, because after all, isn’t real love dead?
But what if I told you real love never died, and that you’ve just been fed a million and one lies on the Internet? What if I told you the idea of “real love” you have is a modern creation aimed at making you feel lonelier and lonelier and lonelier? Don’t believe me? Bet.
We’re Not Meeting Cute Anymore.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to fall head over heels in love with someone you just met? Perhaps you too hope to have an encounter with a quirky girl in your office elevator and have her compliment your music taste. Or maybe you want to travel around Vienna with a beautiful/handsome stranger you met on the train. The truth is, every 2000s romantic comedy has convinced you that all you need is a “meet-cute” to find the love of your life. Yet somehow in 2026, it seems like these fateful encounters no longer exist.
Raise your hand if you’ve blamed the demise of the “meet-cute” on the rise of the dating app. Whether it’s Tinder or Hinge, we’ve replaced finding our soulmate on the street with swiping on their best curation of pictures (that sometimes includes a picture with a fish). And the unfortunate truth (at least to me) is that we’ve stopped believing that we’re “meeting cute” because the strangers we’re meeting online just aren’t cute enough. But it’s not just how we meet or evaluate potential partners that has changed; even our timelines have shifted. Getting to know someone is now a race against time to see who is worth investing in, lest we get ourselves trapped in the infamous situationship…
And even if we do experience an organic first encounter with a beautiful stranger, we’re still not convinced they’re the one because our hearts and our minds are at constant war with one another. Your heart wants to fall in love with the person you spilled coffee on on the way to class, but your mind is convinced they’re too good to be true. Your heart already fell for the person whose feet you tripped over, but your mind is saying that their ’I love you’s are a sign they’re a master manipulator. We’re constantly looking and waiting for that perfect moment to fall in love, and when we do, it’s all a lie. Allegedly.
Will You Go Yearn For Yearn? (Personally, I Won’t)
My personal “favourite” reason for why real love is dead is the severe lack of “chalant” lovers
in the market. TikTok videos and Instagram carousels have repeated the same message for the past 5 years: we need to yearn more. Romance is no longer something you negotiate the terms and conditions of with your partner, but rather something that has to be pursued in a specific way. A loud way.
Personally, I’m not a yearner, and I’m okay with that. I don’t think yearning is a bad thing, but must love always be intense and all-consuming? What happened to quiet loves and simply finding companionship in others? And while we’re on the topic of yearning, why is the conversation always on “bringing back men who yearn”? A yearning man (according to the Internet) means a man who will hold the door for you or would write you a hundred love letters after your first date or would carry you out of a burning building.
But don’t these examples remind you of an old (and archaic) form of masculinity? Ah yes, the chivalrous man. Just like how “real love” is dead, chivalry has also been pronounced dead. But is that actually a bad thing? I might be the minority here, but I do NOT actually care for chivalry, and I’m glad it died. I’d kill it again if I could. Because the truth is, chivalry isn’t about the person those actions are towards; chivalry is all about you, the person acting in that manner, and how you’re so much better than the average man who isn’t saving damsels in “distress”.
And before I forget! Romance is also not quite the secret it used to be; it’s now a public performance filled with code words, symbols, and messages.
Adding a specific song to a specific public playlist on Spotify = A hidden message.
Sending a reel recommending a cute café to someone = A hidden message.
Wearing your hair a specific way to a meeting = A hidden message.
Liking someone’s story at 1AM = A hidden message.
Everything suddenly means something, and everything you do matters. We’ve all heard that one theory about love on social media. No, not the one about sidewalks; and no, not the one the man you’ll meet at nineteen; also no, not the one about relationships making or breaking it three months in— Okay, so we’re all thinking about a different theory or rule. Right. Are you starting to understand my fatigue with modern conceptions of love?
A Brief Inquiry into—Why Is Everything Labelled?
I believe I may have held you hostage for long enough, but before I let you go back to doomscrolling, allow me to share a personal grievance on the topic of “real love”: Why did we decide to label every micro-chapter and concept of love?
Every time I open my TikTok, I learn about a new word from the modern dictionary of romance, and suddenly every experience I have has a new classification. Back in the “good ol’ days”, we had crushes and lovers. That’s it. Today, we have everything from fine shyts to eye-contact-ships to talking stages to flirtationships to situationships to—I think you get my point. The modern conception of love and romance has designated a word and meaning to every minute aspect of relationships, and it has me wondering how many more ships are we trying to build and which country’s navy power are we trying to beat?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for casual intimacy or “long-term-low-commitment-distance partners”. I’m simply saying that sometimes we intellectualise our experiences too much and give so much meaning to them that we forget to just… experience them. And when that happens, what’s left of love but a bloodied heart covered with scalpel scars?
I Don’t Want to Starve, but I Can’t Eat Love.
So, is “real love” dead because we’re not experiencing the romance we were promised in the movies? No, I don’t think it is. I think love is more than just the grand romantic gestures or loud pining for someone else. And if “real love” is dead, then why do we still crave being in it?
At the end of the day, humans are social creatures. While we might sometimes hate to admit it, truthfully, everybody wants to love and to be loved. We all want someone who understands us for who we are and accepts us, flaws and all.
But sometimes, love doesn’t pay the bills, and sometimes, love can’t put food on the table. And as much as it’s wonderful to fall in love and find a life partner (or at least a chapter of life partner), love can’t perform miracles. And it’s completely okay to say you don’t want to look for love right now because you’re too busy trying to feed yourself.
Because if real love does exist, wouldn’t it meet you where you are anyway?
Writer’s Biography:
mei is the alter ego of someone who spends far too much time reading things that aren’t part of their dissertation research and dissecting the concept of love, whilst not partaking in it. They’re also the first to admit that they’re an Avoidant who does not intend on avoiding you any less, even if you want them to. But ultimately, mei’s just a twenty-something-year-old trying to learn how to love without any strings attached as they threaten to jump off St Pierre for the millionth time.
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