Why Do Men Need Love to Become Good?
- Mariam
- Nov 23, 2025
- 7 min read
This topic has been exhausted, with different conversations and discussions on inequality between men and women and the absurd expectations from either gender. Even after all of these discussions, a solution hasn’t been presented.
Assuming that no man would be reading this article, let's begin.
Our entire life, girls have been conditioned to act prim & proper, working around issues we had with boys even if it costs our sanity. Just to paint a picture, it has been almost 8 decades since the 1950s — the era where the woman quietly cooked and supported her husband with a smile on her face no matter how exhausted she felt. Back then, women weren’t encouraged to have opinions (let alone confront disrespect). Not much has changed since then—specifically the collective society’s mindset.
It’s not possible to complain about boys to your parents (or anyone older for that matter) without being dismissed with “boys will be boys”. Why is that? Society barely expects boys to behave properly, and discourages emotional awareness and the blessing of being vulnerable. It’s been proven (at least around me) countless times where men have been ignorant to people’s emotions, backgrounds, and experiences. This all points to emotional immaturity. Just try comparing a 13 year old girl to a 19 year old boy: literally the same level of immaturity.
We are constantly reminded that these university years are going to be our foundation for the future, where we will learn and grow. So, why have the guys remained socially and emotionally unaware? I might even say that women are ‘smarter’ than men of the same age.
If women can learn empathy and maturity at 13, why are men still emotionally illiterate at 30?
That being said, whose fault is this?
Double Standards
It’s impossible to deny the obvious imbalance between men and women in our society.
Men won’t be questioned for their unwillingness to take care of their elderly parents, but if a woman tries to focus on herself, she is called selfish. The worst part is that some cultures (like my own) expect women to shoulder the burden of a caretaker for her parents as well as her spouses. Why do these double standards exist?
A man’s role in society is to sleep, eat, procreate, and earn money — leaving no space left to reflect emotionally. Being in a relationship with such a man would be nothing but draining, because where is she meant to get the emotional support from? — Mariam
Some examples from a typical, traditional desi society:
A man has mental issues? Get married, he will become happier.
A man has anger issues? Get married, he will learn to better control his outbursts.
A man in his 30s continues to act like a 15 year old? Get married, that's just how men learn to be mature!
Where do we draw the line at throwing these emotionally corrupt men at women? Society calls men the ‘strongest’ in a typical family, but the lack of emotional literacy is literal weakness.
Men take on the financial burden of a traditional family – as prescribed by society — which is seen to be the biggest hurl a man could face. But there is no balance in a relationship when the woman ends up shouldering his emotions on top of hers (and kids if they have them, yikes). Earning a stable income doesn’t cause as much issues as taking on the burden of everyone’s feelings. A woman's mental health only goes down the drain after that (it’s a cycle of emotional abuse that is a whole different topic).
Society has assigned men and women roles to follow, and steering away from that only leads to criticism (most of the time). Even though both genders are suffering from this imbalance, one side is told to fix it: the women.
Men are their own victims
I’ve been pretty passionate in the previous sections, so let me take it down a notch and play devil's advocate.
Let’s be honest: Society does not teach men emotional regulation or self-awareness, in fact, they are punished for showing weakness. The so-called ‘male loneliness epidemic’ isn’t just a random term being thrown around the internet for funsies — it’s an actual problem. The lack of emotional regulation is painful (to say simply), and it breeds isolation. Men weren’t taught to express — they were taught to suppress.
When vulnerability is mocked, it’s no wonder that communication collapses. Men end up feeling misunderstood and attacked for trying to act in what they believe is society’s “best interest”. Society deems men “non-emotional creatures”; they are taught to be strong, stoic, and unshakeable and are expected to perform with strength and resilience. When exactly are they supposed to learn how to self-regulate?
That being said, men can’t continue to cry about these standards; change starts from accountability. Society, at large, has made a corrupt system for men and women, but at some point, ignorance stops being innocence. Relying on a woman to “fix” you isn’t romantic, it’s lazy.
When the change doesn’t happen, the blame is shifted onto girlfriends, wives, “nagging” partners. This dynamic is not a love-story, it is a major tragedy.
Men who never grow out of this behaviour become “man-children”, the partnership changes into parenting. If men continue to reject emotional vulnerability and regulation until it’s spoon-fed, they will stay trapped in a cycle of failed relationships and shallow connections.
It’s not a woman's job to raise a grown man, especially when men are capable of teaching themselves. Men may be victims of bad conditioning, but they’re still adults. Society has failed them, but that doesn’t mean women owe them emotional rehabilitation. — Mariam
How to Fix a Man (Volume ∞)
Watching a woman take care of her 8 children, cook 5-course meals from scratch, and still have time to look well-put and happy for her husband — who works endlessly in his 9-5 to earn for his family — is nothing short of astounding. Her love and dedication are admirable, to say the least. But what’s more striking is how she still holds space for his emotions, anger, and frustrations after all that. She is slowly fixing him, teaching him how to work through his emotions just as she teaches her children.
Did that sound right to you?
This behaviour is way too normalised: men treating their partners as ‘personal therapists’. Just look up ‘trad wives’ on instagram or TikTok! @hannal.ballerinafarm on tiktok is a tragedy unfolding in real-time. She is the epitome of a ‘trad wife’, and all she got in return, as a gift, was an apron. These women are being manipulated into teaching men empathy; carrying the emotional burden of translating moods and soothing egos is unfair in a “relationship”. What’s even more problematic is that, we, as a society, have normalised emotional labour as a part of loving a man. Women aren’t emotional crutches. The moment a man’s growth depends on a woman’s suffering, it’s not love — it’s dependency.
Women are taught this behaviour is the ultimate romantic gesture, when that couldn’t be far from the truth. Who will fulfill her emotional needs? Spoiler alert: no one. — Mariam
A relationship isn’t fixed when a man cries once, but when he finally understands he’s not a baby once he’s in an adult relationship.
So, whose fault is it?
It’s undeniable how deeply society’s standards have shaped us; the unrealistic expectation and assumption that everyone should feel, think, or behave in the same way is discriminatory. However, pointing fingers won’t fix anything. The truth is, it is everyone's responsibility to unlearn these traditions and challenge the system that created them.
Women aren’t to blame for choosing a ‘broken man’, just as blaming men alone ignores the fact that the whole system was corrupt from the beginning. Once we recognise the bias within ourselves and the structures we live in, healing becomes a personal duty — not someone else’s burden.
Both genders are trapped in a toxic cycle, one that rewards men and burns women out. It’s time we stop excusing men for being emotionally clueless and immature, and stop glorifying women who sacrifice themselves to build men up. Love isn’t meant to be rehab, it’s meant to be a partnership, cultivating a space where the both of them can grow, support and challenge each other equally.
It’s impossible to end this discussion without addressing one more thing: humans are inherently greedy. That’s why change feels so unnatural. Women are genetically predisposed to prefer emotional connections, but that doesn’t mean they must carry the emotional labour of every relationship. That’s why we can’t continue to conform to the current collectivist culture.
At the end of the day, individual self-awareness is the first-step towards a better society. When individuals begin to value their own worth and uphold mutual respect, love stops being a transaction — and starts being growth. Men don’t need women to make them good; they just need to grow up and do the emotional homework society skipped.
Writer's Notes:
I wrote this article because, while I haven’t personally faced all the double standards women often experience, I’ve seen them countless times growing up: in the media, through my cousins, friends, and their families. Lately, a lot has been going on in my life, and I felt a certain rage that needed an outlet, so I explored it through this piece (and I am quite proud of what I wrote).
I always believed that people are responsible for themselves. Men can be socially and emotionally unaware, but it isn't, and shouldn't, be a woman's responsibility to fix that. Still, if we want change, we have to start somewhere. We can’t fix anyone else, but we can try being better ourselves. Writing this piece allowed me to scratch that itch, think through the frustrations I’ve observed (and felt since entering adulthood), and reflect on what it means to navigate a world built on unfair expectations and emotional labor.
Writer's Biography:
Hi!! I’m Mariam, a second-year Accounting student trying to balance lectures, society responsibilities, my social life, and the small pockets of time I steal to write. I am naturally (very) awkward, and quite selective about who I let into my space, but once I do, I’m often nothing like the first impression I give off. I’m observant, anxious more often than I want to admit, but also headstrong and pretty opinionated (as you’ve seen) when it matters (hell, my opinion can sometimes be a little offensive). In my free time (neglecting deadlines), you’ll find me doom-scrolling on TikTok, laughing at cat memes like a Facebook mom, or daydreaming about strawberry cheese tarts.
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